Sticker Profiling

Sticker Profiling

Sticker Profiling

‹ Jokes

My boss texted me, “Send me one of your funny jokes.” I replied, “I’m working...
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live...
« If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? »
« I hate reality, but you can't get a good steak anywhere else. »
« Every morning, I bring my wife coffee in bed. All she has to do is grind...
So this guy from the Highways Agency goes up to his guv'nor and says, "Boss,...
Are any laws being broken if an endangered animal is eating an endangered...
« My friends, as I have discovered myself, there are no disasters, only...
« Eternity is a very long time, especially towards the end. »
"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography."
« I can levitate birds. No one cares. »
In a couple, the man can have the last word as long as it's "Yes, dear."
Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive...
I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Hospitality (noun): the art of making your guests feel at home even when you...
Two old ladies are talking on a park bench together. "Do you remember when...
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girlfriends.
« More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path...
« Fame has only brought me one good thing - the women who reject me are more...
The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when...
« Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem. »
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and...
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
« It is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls....
He who has taken the way of Tao is kindly requested to return it when he has...
What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing they just waved.
« I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the...
The judge says I'm a repeat offender, but he always says that.
I've spent the past four years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer, but no...
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take...
« People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. »
The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself "this...
Wife: Honey, I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear! Husband: kitchen,...
A new study has found that women find it seven times easier to read men’s...
Being the fat guy at McDonald's is like being the muscle guy at the gym....
Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh!...
I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain.
My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her...
I'm not saying my doctor is young, but he just texted me "2mer is B-9, woot!"
« Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered? »
« The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity. »
« Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of...
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity,...
It’s a good job Apple isn’t in charge of New Year. We’d all be expecting 2017...
« Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a...
« It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on. »
« Doctors in the States can now diagnose you in under a minute. They call your...
People used to laugh at me when I would say "I want to be a comedian", well...
If one of Santa's helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is...
Why get married when you can just drive into oncoming traffic?
I got this new calorie counting app ... Every day I go for a new high score...
At a wedding reception I recently attended someone said, "All the married men...
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit...
I was in a taxi and the driver said "I love my job. I'm my own boss and nobody...
Ebay is really getting worse and worse to use. Yesterday I searched for a...
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
« I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster...
A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”...
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
Violence is never the answer, unless the question is “What is never the...
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A...
I probably shouldn't have driven home from the bar last night ... Especially...
After (M)onday and (T)uesday even the week says WTF !!
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is...
« If there's one thing that protects a woman, it's that if you want to see...
Shouldn't the Air and Space museum be empty?
« “Look, you can date whoever you want and I will totally support you. I am...
One day a man saw a fairy and asked "could you please make me irresistible to...
Knock knock... who's there? Cows go... Cows go who ? No, cows go moo !
Every time I'm around my mother in law, I wonder who is running hell in her...
Common sense is a lot like deodorant. The people who need it most, never use...
Proposing to a woman isn’t like choosing a life-long business partner. It’s...
« "Always" and "never" are two words you should always remember never to use. »
« By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get...
My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.
« What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me...
« Do you hate people? I don't hate them...I just feel better when they're...
« If you looked more beautiful, I'd be bored already. But things being as they...
I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me to help check her balance, so I...
Throwing acid is wrong, in some people's eyes.
« If at first you don't succeed, think how many people you've made happy. »
« It's true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure why take the...
« What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I...
I haven't slept for three days, because that would be too long.
I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, all it was doing was gathering...
Whiteboards are remarkable.
One fine day in the middle of the night two dead men got up to fight. Back...
« I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle! »
"There's no end to his talent – and no beginning either."
What do you call a kind, intelligent, handsome man? A rumour.
The other night I played poker with a pack of Tarot cards. I got a full house...
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve...
« Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some...
« Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have...
Sometimes I just sit quietly and wonder how come I'm not in a mental asylum....
« My horoscope tells me I'm going to win the lottery. Well there won't be much...
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
« If everyone thinks you're right all the time, it probably proves you're an...
« Women like silent men. They think they are listening. »
Why did the chicken cross the road? Plato: For the greater good. Karl...
A person who surrenders when he’s WRONG, is HONEST. A person who SURRENDERS...
« The louder he talked of his honour, the faster we counted our spoons. »
« A girl phoned me the other day and said...'Come on over, there's nobody...
A husband is someone who supports you through all the problems you wouldn't...
« Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television. »
« There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...
« I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed,...
"A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't...
"I've thought of taking my life many times. I just can't ever decide where...
When a man is young, he has a stomach : when he gets older he has a belly.
I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the...
« If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin...
There are at least three advantages to having Alzheimers: 1. You get to make...
What is the first man on the moon? - A good start.
"Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double...
« If man were immortal, do you realize what his meat bills would be? »
You say to your beloved : "You are everything to me". And then once married,...
Hello. Our systems have just informed us that your phone is being misused. It...
« A mouse is an animal that, when killed in sufficient quantities, under...